Feeling at home (Family matters, part 3)

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The thing every aging person fears is the nursing home. Not that nursing homes are bad.

But if you’ve watched any films like Cocoon or Fried Green Tomatoes, the common theme is nursing home equals sad, lonely seniors.

However, the options for elderly living are so many and so varied nowadays, why not talk about the options available to you if your aging parent(s) need/want to join a community of the sort that provides a social living arrangement while meeting medical needs or other types of assistance?

Let’s take a look at the many options for senior living, starting with the more independent options.

Age restricted communities
These gated communities cater to an age-specific crowd, usually 55 and older. Oftentimes

they have shared social activities, stores and restaurants, as well as medical facilities in a closed neighborhood that allows seniors to live in a relaxed, children-free environment.

Senior apartments
Similar to the Age restricted communities, these apartments are built and sold as regular or luxury homes to retirees, restricting younger owners.

Note regarding age-restricted communities. I do understand the appeal of these types of homes if people want to have a quiet place of your own that allows them to socialize exclusively with people of their ages. However, keep in mind than when purchasing a home of this type that it will have to be sold after your parent(s)’s passing or rented out, as you will not qualify to live there.

Assisted living
It’s extremely difficult for an adult of any age to consider giving up any independence and

someone else’s bequest. Assisted living arrangements allow people who have some issues -health problems, mobility impairment- but who are for the most part capable of taking care of themselves and their homes. This type of care provides assistance with varying daily needs such as meals, bathing, or medication management. Assisted living can be provided at home or, alternatively, in a residential facility known as a personal care group home. Personally, I find that the idea of living near family with a combination of assisted living can prove a very successful approach to aging parents, whenever possible. Another great option is…

Cohousing
This is my favorite type of senior living, inasmuch that I even wrote a whole article on

Cooperative senior co-living, titled A Shared Utopia. Check it out.

Life-care communities
These are the communities that are built to meet a variety of needs. Also known as Continuing Care Retirement Communities, they offer a solution to every retiree: age restricted free living for the independent souls, assisted care, and nursing care. It’s a very flexible, social type of residence that caters to every senior’s needs, and most tastes.

Nursing home
Nursing homes are a necessary and I cannot, in good faith, call them a necessary evil. The reality is that there are seniors that need a place to live that provides medical care alongside their housing. Nursing homes today have all sorts of social activities and health programs that adapt to every person’s tastes and needs, because it’s clear that seniors today are a lot more active and have much longer life expectancies. Yes, they are not what any healthy senior would wish for, but when all other options prove fruitless, residential nursing homes are the way to go.

How do you decide?
This is the sticky part. It may be that independent care for your parent(s) becomes

impossible due to the sudden onset of a medical condition. In this case, the move to a specialized care facility of any level, be it life care or a residential nursing facility is inevitable. However, if your parent(s) have a choice and time, the best way to do is first talk about their wishes, their expectations, and the family’s ability to meet them. With these two, you should be able to find a middle ground.

Once you know what type of care he/she/they will require, look at your options visit a number of residences, communities or assisted care providers, whichever applies. Become acquainted with the options and differences. Talk to various staff of every facility or provider you visit and find out how long they have worked there. Well-managed facilities have long-time employees, and those are the ones that should interest you

Check their state accreditation. In the United States look for the Commission on Accreditation of Rehabilitation Facilities, which provides an accreditation on a voluntary basis to facilities that wish to request it. A facility who goes through the trouble of obtaining this would be better than one without. Furthermore, in this internet age there are many, many pages where residents and relatives of residents of these centers review the facilities. Look them up.

After doing all this, narrow down your options and decide together on what is best for your

parent(s), while granting their wishes as much as possible. Be kind to them and yourselves. Like I’ve said before, there is no right or wrong about this, as long as you help them make these decision with their best interest at heart. Keep in mind that the choices you make now may not be forever. Mental, physical and medical needs may change over time or suddenly, and learning about all these options will give you a good perspective for a possible change of arrangements in the future.

God luck and best wishes!